Sibling Rivalry: Why It’s Normal and How to Handle It
- Emilia Osorio
- Jan 22
- 3 min read
Sibling rivalry is a topic that always intrigues me—and it's a common complaint I hear from parents. Every time I see a family struggling with sibling rivalry, I can’t help but picture the gap between the idyllic family life we imagine and the sometimes messy reality. (It’s a little comic, to be honest!)
Being a parent to one child is already a full-time job. Adding one, two, or even more kids to the mix can make things... let’s just say, “extra interesting.” But here’s the truth no one tells you when you’re planning your family: Raising kids isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Sure, it’s beautiful, but also chaotic, exhausting, and unpredictable.
When you have more than one child in the house, disagreements are inevitable. And guess what? That’s perfectly normal—and even healthy—in moderation. According to research, sibling rivalry tends to diminish during the teenage years as kids develop more mature relationships. But that’s only if we, as parents or caregivers, guide them effectively along the way.
Why You Shouldn’t Get Involved in Every Fight?
The first and most important thing to remember is this: don’t get involved in every sibling dispute. Yes, it’s tempting to step in and play referee, but that often does more harm than good.
Imagine this scenario: One child takes their sibling's favorite toy without asking, and an argument erupts. The typical parental response might be to intervene immediately—return the toy to its rightful owner, scold the other child, and set a rule. Seems reasonable, right?
Not quite. While this approach may resolve the conflict temporarily, it doesn’t teach your kids the essential social skills they need to navigate these situations on their own. Siblings are each other’s first teachers when it comes to negotiation, compromise, and setting boundaries.
Instead of stepping in, let them figure it out for themselves. Sometimes, that means one child needs to give in a little more, or they might choose not to give in at all and deal with the consequences. Either way, they’re learning valuable lessons about communication, empathy, and fairness.
Another reason to resist stepping in is that, from your kids’ perspective, you might seem to be taking sides, which can make things worse. This ties directly to the concept of rivalry.
Rivalry is defined as “a state of competition or conflict between individuals, groups, or entities striving for the same goal, recognition, resource, or advantage.” In the case of sibling rivalry, the "golden ticket" often is the parent's attention and love. When a parent intervenes and appears to favor one child, the unintentional message kids might receive is that the "winner" is more loved or protected. Over time, this can intensify feelings of jealousy and competition between siblings.
When Should You Step In?
Of course, there’s a line. If their fights escalate to physical violence or become emotionally harmful, it’s time to step in. The safety of your children is always the priority. As parents, our role is to ensure they have a safe environment to learn, grow, and practice problem-solving skills.
At the same time, remember that life outside the home isn’t always kind. Your kids will eventually need to navigate challenges and conflicts without you. By allowing them to experience and resolve disputes, they’ll be better equipped for the real world.
Key Takeaways
Don’t rush to mediate every argument. Let them learn to resolve conflicts independently.
Watch for red flags. Step in if things get too heated or unsafe.
Encourage emotional growth. Use sibling fights as opportunities to teach empathy, compromise, and resilience.
Parenting isn’t about creating a perfect, conflict-free home. It’s about preparing your kids for the world by giving them the tools to navigate relationships and challenges. So next time you hear a sibling squabble brewing, take a deep breath and ask yourself: Is this a moment for me to step in—or for them to step up?
Comments