Let Them Figure It Out: How Stepping Back Builds Your Child’s Confidence

It’s been kind of a wrecking ball week over here, but hey, we made it!

We moved this week, and if you've moved before, you know exactly what I mean—it’s stressful. I’ve moved more times than I can count, and even though I consider myself a pro, it’s still a challenging experience. Nothing tests your ability to adapt quite like moving. We’ve learned so many lessons from our last two moves that I’ll need to write about them in parts.

But today, I want to share something that hit me while talking to one of my kids on the phone.

I’m a very practical and task-oriented person. I see chaos, and my brain instantly starts mapping out a logical, strategic way to bring order. That’s what I do in my work, too—helping families find strategies that fit their needs and make everyday life easier.

Right now, I’m out of town with one of my kids for a sports competition. I decided to call my other kid, who just got home last night from his own competition, to catch up. As he was telling me about his experience, I started visualizing his room in my mind. Within seconds, I had a mental list of at least six things he needed to do to unpack and get organized.

My instinct? To tell him exactly what to do—because I knew that the mess in his room would start getting in his way. It’s Sunday, after all, a great day to get things done, right? But here’s the thing: that’s how I function, not how he does.

If I had unloaded my entire list on him, I know exactly what would’ve happened. He would’ve been annoyed that I was telling him what to do, probably complained, and then either forgotten half of it or ignored it altogether.

But more importantly, I would’ve taken away something crucial—the opportunity for him to sit in the discomfort and find his own way out.

I can’t stress enough how important it is to let our kids be uncomfortable sometimes. That discomfort—the feeling of being stuck in a mess or unsure of what to do next—is where learning happens. Instead of jumping in with solutions, I simply asked, “What’s your plan for today?” and left it at that.

Again, this goes back to something I repeat all the time—let them struggle, let them feel uncomfortable, and let them figure it out. Each kid has their own way of doing things, and sometimes it won’t look the way we would do it—but that’s okay! That’s how they grow.

When we constantly step in, we send the message that they can’t handle things on their own. But when we take a step back, we show them that we trust them to problem-solve—and that trust is a powerful confidence booster.

So, I’m sharing my own experience today as a reminder that parenting is a constant exercise in our self-control. Resisting the urge to overstep doesn’t just help our kids mature—it helps us grow, too.

So next time you feel the urge to step in, take a deep breath and let them struggle a little. They’ll figure it out—and they’ll be stronger for it.

Building Confidence: Letting Kids Find Their Own Strength